I have not been blogging as often as I'd hoped.
Today I have been at college, got home early then swiftly had a small emotional breakdown.
Don't worry, I had my man to hug me (and to suffer the brunt of it) so I'm all full of happiness and dinner now. Sort of.
Have you ever just been so busy that you just need a wee cry?
At college, I'm currently rehearsing my first proper leading lady part. I really wanted this part and would've been really disappointed if I didnt get it. I was so pleased when I did. The thing is, I'm pretty sure that I convinced myself that if I did get it then I'd suddenly have all the confidence in my ability that I desire, but it hasnt quite worked out that way. Instead, the pressure of it has been weighing me down since the moment I found out I was cast. Instead of rising to the challenge, I've felt like doing a wee runner at times.
As the show is only 3 weeks away, (gulp) we rehearse everyday and as I live quite far from college, I probably spend what adds up to be about 3 hours travelling a day. I get home late and then either have to rush back out to a class at the gym or Slimming World and on the nights I don't, it always feel like I just eat dinner then need to sleep straight away. I then work a part-time job at the weekends (which is much more hassle than a weekend job should be) and then do it all over again on Monday. The washing basket and the dishes are piling up and my wee bones are aching.
I'm just exhausted. Maybe I'm just a weakling. Possibly the latter.
This exhaustion has been making me wonder whether I'm destined to be in professional theatre at all. One little college show part and I can't handle the pressure. Though I've wondered about this before now.
The fact is, I do want to be in this show and play this part. I love this show. (It's called Spend Spend Spend, you've probably never heard of it.) I love this character and I will rise to the challenge as soon as I get my "mojo" back. I will.
I'm only pointing out the negatives here when I really should mention the positives. I've been finding it much easier to get up and perform since I've been thrown into this and I've been singing in front of my boyfriend* alone lately which is something I was always too embarrassed to do before.
I have Saturday off and will be using that to do nothing for the first time in weeks, hopefully
I just need to suck it up and remember that the show is only 3 weeks away and once it's done, I'll regret not having enjoyed the rehearsal process more. Lookin' on the bright side an' that.
* Constantly calling him "my boyfriend" on this is getting a bit cringey but it feels like I shouldn't name him to feel like more of a cool blogger. So, we discussed this and came up with a few different alias choices. His were "Professor Damage", "Doctor Chaos", "General Sexy" and (sigh) "Corporal Punishment". I felt that "Sausage Head" was better. His name begins with a J so let's predictably call him that for now I suppose. (Though he's still pushing for "Doctor Chaos.")
Tuesday 30 October 2012
Sunday 21 October 2012
Apparent trusted individuals.
Today I have been at work, wearing my new glasses for the first time.
These new glasses are a new prescription and are making me a wee bit dizzy at times. I was told, as usual, by the optician that this is just the "adjusting period" and that my eyes will soon get used to these new lenses, and I trust this, because this is what the optician told me and the optician should know, right?
Now, I work weekends at Morrions, on tills, so I have a lot of time to think whilst I'm supposed to be listening to customers talk shite; todays thinking was sparked by my own willingness to trust the optician. It got me thinking about how often we trust strangers with rather important parts of our lives: the doctor, dentist, teachers, the bank etc. Since becoming an "adult" (living independently and all that) I've begun to experience more and more instances where it suddenly hits me that the "trusted" person in front of me is simply that — a person.
We've all gone to the doctor with something embarrassing, been glad to get a solution and be out of there quickly but what about coming out and thinking "Wait...this clearly isn't what I need or asked for?" Or feeling like the dentist doesn't actually need to give you a fucking "scale and polish" EVERY time you visit? Or checking your balance at the cashline only to see that the bank have OBVIOUSLY STOLEN EVERYTHING. (Okay so that ones probably your fault.)
In the 3 years of my so-called independence, I've experienced countless situations with several of these "trusted" people where I've thought "HOLD ON, this sounds like shite, what you're saying to me right now." (That is a bit what my thoughts sound like.)
I know I sound a bit like a crazy conspiracy freak right now. All I'm saying is that we should probably question these people more often because although (most of the time) they are trained and all that, sometimes what they tell you is simply their own opinion.
In conclusion, although I'm currently wearing my glasses and can see this screen enough to type, during my recent eye-test the optician DID blow "puffs of air" in my eyes and call it an "eye pressure test" so they are obviously sadists.
Thankyou.
These new glasses are a new prescription and are making me a wee bit dizzy at times. I was told, as usual, by the optician that this is just the "adjusting period" and that my eyes will soon get used to these new lenses, and I trust this, because this is what the optician told me and the optician should know, right?
Now, I work weekends at Morrions, on tills, so I have a lot of time to think whilst I'm supposed to be listening to customers talk shite; todays thinking was sparked by my own willingness to trust the optician. It got me thinking about how often we trust strangers with rather important parts of our lives: the doctor, dentist, teachers, the bank etc. Since becoming an "adult" (living independently and all that) I've begun to experience more and more instances where it suddenly hits me that the "trusted" person in front of me is simply that — a person.
We've all gone to the doctor with something embarrassing, been glad to get a solution and be out of there quickly but what about coming out and thinking "Wait...this clearly isn't what I need or asked for?" Or feeling like the dentist doesn't actually need to give you a fucking "scale and polish" EVERY time you visit? Or checking your balance at the cashline only to see that the bank have OBVIOUSLY STOLEN EVERYTHING. (Okay so that ones probably your fault.)
In the 3 years of my so-called independence, I've experienced countless situations with several of these "trusted" people where I've thought "HOLD ON, this sounds like shite, what you're saying to me right now." (That is a bit what my thoughts sound like.)
I know I sound a bit like a crazy conspiracy freak right now. All I'm saying is that we should probably question these people more often because although (most of the time) they are trained and all that, sometimes what they tell you is simply their own opinion.
In conclusion, although I'm currently wearing my glasses and can see this screen enough to type, during my recent eye-test the optician DID blow "puffs of air" in my eyes and call it an "eye pressure test" so they are obviously sadists.
Thankyou.
Saturday 20 October 2012
When the things you like are actually shit.
Ever suddenly realise that something you like and have liked for a while is actually just shit?
My boyfriend and I were just discussing this with the popular TV show Lost.
Now, I went into Lost with a lot of scepticism at first but, as predicted, loved it quite quickly. I have watched the entire series one and a half times in total now and would be very happy to watch it again, even though I know it would take a good few months of dedication, but (and this is what we came to realise) if you tried to even explain a very small portion of the plot of Lost to a newcomer, it sounds like the most far-fetched and over-complicated nonsense in the world.
I mean...it kind of is.
For a good half an hour, we tried to cover every plot and sub-plot that we could over the course of the 6 series, and it became ridiculous. I'm pretty sure we didnt even get through half of what happens. All of this thinking posed the question "Is Lost actually just shit?"
It's still hard to say.
We're probably still going to watch it all over again though...
My boyfriend and I were just discussing this with the popular TV show Lost.
Now, I went into Lost with a lot of scepticism at first but, as predicted, loved it quite quickly. I have watched the entire series one and a half times in total now and would be very happy to watch it again, even though I know it would take a good few months of dedication, but (and this is what we came to realise) if you tried to even explain a very small portion of the plot of Lost to a newcomer, it sounds like the most far-fetched and over-complicated nonsense in the world.
I mean...it kind of is.
For a good half an hour, we tried to cover every plot and sub-plot that we could over the course of the 6 series, and it became ridiculous. I'm pretty sure we didnt even get through half of what happens. All of this thinking posed the question "Is Lost actually just shit?"
It's still hard to say.
We're probably still going to watch it all over again though...
Friday 19 October 2012
19/10/12
I have no idea why I've created this blog.
I don't suppose anyone will be interested in the absolute shite I talk/moan about. I barely even am myself.
My first thought was to have this for me only, just to vent about anything and everything, not for anyone else in particular but I know I wont be able to keep it secret for long.
Today, I have been incredibly lazy as I always am when I have no real plans.
I've been watching series 5 of Gossip Girl.
My love for Gossip Girl began about 3 years ago when my boyfriend bought me Series 1. I'm not completely sure what's so captivating about it, I think at first it was mostly complete infatuation with the beautiful, fashionable and rich characters. I don't want to make myself sound completely shallow but I couldn't help but get a little bit addicted to lusting after their lavish lifestyles. Then, the romance between Chuck and Blair was sparked and I became hooked.
The first 3 series had me completely fall in love with the character Blair Waldorf. She is a scheming, manipulative bitch yet a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who knows exactly what she wants. I find this character a good role model in some ways (though in other ways, a terrible one) and her one-liners are priceless.
However, I'm a bit ashamed and a lot disappointed to say that the last 2 series have been overall, pretty poor in comparison. Gossip Girl has always been pretty melodramatic and I've always accepted this as part of the territory but lately the many story lines have become so convoluted and nonsensical that I find myself cringing at times. Not to mention how the characters just GET OVER really important life-altering things within one episode.
I will however, stay dedicated to Gossip Girl and hope that as series 6 (which I think is to be the last series) wraps up, they can quit while their (sort of ) ahead and keep the fans happy by tying up all the loose ends in the way the way that we want.
xoxo
I don't suppose anyone will be interested in the absolute shite I talk/moan about. I barely even am myself.
My first thought was to have this for me only, just to vent about anything and everything, not for anyone else in particular but I know I wont be able to keep it secret for long.
Today, I have been incredibly lazy as I always am when I have no real plans.
I've been watching series 5 of Gossip Girl.
My love for Gossip Girl began about 3 years ago when my boyfriend bought me Series 1. I'm not completely sure what's so captivating about it, I think at first it was mostly complete infatuation with the beautiful, fashionable and rich characters. I don't want to make myself sound completely shallow but I couldn't help but get a little bit addicted to lusting after their lavish lifestyles. Then, the romance between Chuck and Blair was sparked and I became hooked.
The first 3 series had me completely fall in love with the character Blair Waldorf. She is a scheming, manipulative bitch yet a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who knows exactly what she wants. I find this character a good role model in some ways (though in other ways, a terrible one) and her one-liners are priceless.
However, I'm a bit ashamed and a lot disappointed to say that the last 2 series have been overall, pretty poor in comparison. Gossip Girl has always been pretty melodramatic and I've always accepted this as part of the territory but lately the many story lines have become so convoluted and nonsensical that I find myself cringing at times. Not to mention how the characters just GET OVER really important life-altering things within one episode.
I will however, stay dedicated to Gossip Girl and hope that as series 6 (which I think is to be the last series) wraps up, they can quit while their (sort of ) ahead and keep the fans happy by tying up all the loose ends in the way the way that we want.
xoxo
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